pocketss:

widehead

callizinc:

NO! Thinking their negative thoughts privately will kill the patient. She needs bitching and whining to live

ghcstrie:

gregg rulz ok

aerodaltonimperial:

everkings:

jelibaen:

thegaymertrainer:

We have underestimated the comedic genius of the elderly when presented with technology

grossly underestimated

I FUCKING LOST MY SHIT AT WORK

gavamont:

If a man wished for a genie to make him a vampire, how would it go?

He becomes a vampire bat, not the mythical being

Genie becomes a vampire so the genie is his sire and the man is now his thrall

Genie summons the most evil vampire to turn the man so he has a cruel master

Genie summons the most incompetent vampire to turn him so he has a dumb master

He just gets his wish because being a vampire is a curse already

Genie makes a shitty minor league baseball team called The Vampires he must join

See Results

byjove:

byjove:

byjove:

byjove:

My grandma’s on and off again boyfriend that she cheated on grandpa with died today.

RIP to Nana’s side piece. Though they never married, Grandpa died in September and she brought his long term competition to Thanksgiving that year.

Grandma and Grandpa had a shotgun wedding when Grandma was 19. Grandpa went off to Vietnam which left her, a severely mentally young mother, alone. Never heard a complaint about her side piece Jeff. He seemed to make her happy and for that I salute him.

I’m an only child so I have to discuss sensitive family drama with my 38,000 followers instead.

soymsan-entro:

So my sister is on vacation and has sent me a photo of the store she was buying clothes in.

I’m going to lose it.

elodieunderglass:

silima:

silima:

in loving memory of my favorite shirt

turmeric kun update

Hmm hmm hmm. oxiclean loves her for who she is but turmeric cannot help but change her

cyberpunknoire:

People who hate Frodo Baggins are my enemy. “He didn’t do anything and was useless”–yeah, okay, so what you’re not understanding is that he was the sacrificial lamb. He endured physical, mental, and emotional torment that got worse and worse as his will broke. Everyone knew this. EVERYONE KNEW THIS. That’s why everyone was devastated about it. Because Frodo was the most innocent among them, that was the entire point. He represented ordinary peaceful people being destroyed by the horrors of war. And as a hobbit he also represented some of the last vestiges of magic in what was basically a post magic apocalypse.

Frodo was basically an innocent puppy thrown into the Torment Nexus so that EVERYONE ELSE could maybe have a hope of surviving. And he did that willingly. HE DID IT OF HIS OWN FREE WILL, KNOWING IT WOULD RUIN HIM.

Frodo haters won’t see the light of heaven

simpledontmeanpeachy:

gallusrostromegalus:

draconym:

ariaste:

petranaradulovic:

brunhiddensmusings:

redwaltz:

bigscaryd:

atombombtom:

atombombtom:

atombombtom:

As I grow older I feel my capacity to understand that Miss Piggy is not a real person reached a peak in my adolescence and is now on a steady decline. I watched a Wendy Williams interview and there’s this part that’s like “can we get a ring cam!” and Miss Piggy shows her bling and I’m just like fuck she’s so iconic. Miss Piggy who are you wearing? Miss Piggy have you ever considered running for office??

Like literally every time I see Miss Piggy there’s a period where I need to readjust to the fact that it’s not a person, and I feel that period is getting longer and longer with every instance

now all my Youtube recommendations are filled with Miss Piggy interviews. I’m not complaining. Miss Piggy what’s your secret to ageing so graciously

It’s not just the audience; professional journalists, hosts, and actors report it is legitimately difficult to not see the Muppet as a person, and it is, in fact, incredibly easy to interview or act with them once the performer gets properly set up.

Like that one time they couldn’t figure out why Kermit’s audio was so garbage… then realized they’d put the mic on him instead of the performer.

this has been a very longstanding issue - before the muppet show was even a thing some muppets appeared in commercials, such as rolf the dog

they had a continual problem where when people directing/shooting the dogfood commercial would give dirrection to rolf that they would be speaking to the muppet, to which rolf REPEATEDLY had to tell them ‘i cant hear you, you have to talk to him’ and point at the performer underneath him

rolf is one of the most embarrassing muppets to need this direction as the performer is this, damn, obvious when not on camera

‘sir, i am a bathroom mat, the man you need to talk to is back there’

I did an interview with Gonzo one time, and when I got into the Zoom call, it was the actor on screen trying to figure out his audio. And then once he did, he went like “OKAY!” and then just like dove to the floor and it was Gonzo and there was never a moment when I doubted that the dude was just Gonzo’s tech guy 

I have met a muppet-like puppet in real life and when I tell you that my brain was hacked FUCKING INSTANTLY….. It was a person, I swear it was a person. I asked it for a hug (no i was not 5 years old, i was like 28 at this time). i genuinely don’t know what came over me, it was just. It was a person???? Witchcraft

A couple years ago, I was invited to the birthday party of one of my former preschool students. I decided to bring my teaching puppet (a big rat) along because I knew several other kids from that class would be there, and she was always a huge hit with them.

They were, of course, very excited to see her. But what surprised me was that after the kids ran off to play in the sprinkler, the parents around me struck up conversation with the puppet. They continued for at least fifteen minutes, asking her questions like, “how long have you been teaching?” and “eaten out of any good dumpsters lately?” until one dad exclaimed “why have I been talking to a rat puppet this whole time!”

There’s a guy who comes to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science with life size Skeleton puppets of mammoth/young T-Rex that he wears. You can fully see him in the middle of the skeleton, and it’s a SKELETON, but absolutely everyone interacts with the puppets like they’re living, breathing animals. I watched multiple people attempt to feed pretzels to the baby rex.

When I was in my 20s I met Carroll Spinney. I knew the Oscar the Grouch on his arm was a puppet. But I also completely forgot that fact. The puppets of our childhood are magical.

avidcollectorofdust:

avidcollectorofdust:

avidcollectorofdust:

avidcollectorofdust:

Having a boyfriend is literally free

I’m stuck in my room because i have a fresh arm tattoo that’s not exactly fun to drive with and my little sister and her friends are hanging out in the kitchen so instead of doomscrolling or agonizing over creative projects i’m sending him pictures of various car parts and asking him to name them

wheeel……

I think he likes it?

literallymechanical:

task manager kill this fucking thinbg

charl0ttan:

your honor my client is guilty can i get another one